Monday, April 30, 2007

Sad, Sad Monday

Today I woke up at 1:10 am....I heard down the hall a sound of a "seal". I realized it was my little guy Joshua. He was having trouble breathing and the sound was so horrible. I took him out of his bed and from 1:30 till 5:45 I just held and rocked and comforted him. He finally fell asleep in my arms....and my heart was so sad for the pain he was going through. I fell back to sleep and woke up again at almost 8 am...and again I had this very heavy heart and sad, sad feeling in my spirit. It's now 2:12 in the afternoon and this feeling won't leave me. There is just so much going on....it all has me very sad and the places I am involved in now are just sad places to be and make Jesus seem so far when I so desperately need Him so near. All the the people hurting, all the suffering, all the sadness, the constant feeling of emptiness, loss and so much CONFUSION. IT IS JUST SO SAD! Les and I feel exhausted emotionally and spiritually and although our relationship is great and our family is great....it is the constant drain of sadness for very important "family" ...and just all the secrets and hurt...hurt..hurt....and we both just feel so drained. I know Jesus is near.....I KNOW THAT in my head....but right now my heart and my spirit feel depleted. I feel like all the things I knew and felt certain of have been an ugly mask of confusion. Jesus please be so near to everyone hurting today. Please settle all things that make our hearts ache and Jesus please bring us to a peace that is far beyond our understanding. I love you so much Jesus. I feel so far from you and I am so tired now and so weary.....please Jesus help me have the strenght to get myself back right where YOU ARE...caring about what YOU care about, doing things that YOU want me to do, and seeing truth in all things the way YOU have revealed it to me. I love you Jesus....and today is a sad, sad, monday. I surrender my day to you my Lord.

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