Lynda Calling

I have been in a valley lately. Not sure why, but at the same time I know there are several unsettled things on my heart. I did learn from our Thursday night small group that I pray.... or maybe "feel" I pray....over & over & over again to Jesus. Often repating the same request over and over again. I learned that causes anixety in my heart. It's like a catch 22 in my soul. I think, I have to....I need to beso "wordy" with my prayers and go over & over them again and again with Jesus or HE JUST WON'T KNOW, how important they are to me. Yet, at the same time, I feel so depleted by the lack of my focusing alittle on the health of myself that I don't feel the energy to even make the effort of the "lenghty" prayer request (list) I feel I need to give to Jesus on a daily basis. I am so off the mark on this. I know I am. I just need to know that He has heard me, that He hasn't forgotten me, that the needs of my heart are so important to Him and that HE LOVES ME. He may not choose the same outcome for things in my life as I want... but, He still cares and He still loves me and He always wants the best for me. Even when I don't know what the best is. I just need to know that I know that I know that Jesus actually has heard me and that He puts up a finger that says..."shhhhh....wait my child". That would be comfort to me. To know I am heard. So many times I repeat things to my children over & over & over again because I feel that they don't respond......or don't even say "Ok mommy" so at least I KNOW they have heard me...even if they don't make a move yet....I know that they KNOW that I have spoken to them. I guess I pray to God that same way. Also, I feel I need to say over & over & over again things to my children to remind them of what is important to me. So they don't forget what still needs to be focused on. I must be doing that with God too. What I need to learn to do is to lay it all at His feet...at the cross and have faith that He has heard and know His promise and that He does care. This is so very difficult for me though. I feel that in my relationship with God I need to go all the way back to square one and get back to the basics of life. Just make my heart and my requests pure. Bring them to Him, and trust. That is not easy to me because trust has hurt my heart so deeply in the past. One baby step at a time......prayfully I will not stay here in this valley going around and around this mountain any longer. I need to grow in this. I need to know that I know, that I know, He is always there. He always loves me. He always hears my cries. ALWAYS!